The feelings are strange, the feeling of losing someone you dearly love, the feeling of pain, the feeling to being betrayed, the feeling of being left out, the heartache. It hurts like nothing else. It’s not the pain that you feel when you get a scratch or hurt your head, its the pain that you feel when your loved one has left you… forever.
Today, I face my life myself and so did I yesterday, what about tomorrow? What if the world turns its back on me? Yesterday I faced it, today is gone, what about tomorrow? What if I am not able to face it? What if I cannot? What will I have then? Who will stand by my side? Who will comfort the broken heart? Who will be there by the person who has been through all this? Who, after knowing all this, want to comfort the aching heart? WHO?
Trying to let go of things, also brings in pain. The pain, which, for me, will never go; or that is what my thinking is. Once you have lost someone, the pain, the feelings and the memories just don’t go, no matter how hard you try. The time you saw them burn into ashes, the moment the monitor stopped beeping, the moment their head fell lifelessly, that moment when you wanted nothing but them to come and hug you hard, the moment you wanted to cry your eyes out and scream out, but were unable to. All this will haunt you. All this will keep coming back to you. The death day will be replayed in your dreams, you tend to reach for them, and just fall back.
Loosing someone you love is the worst pain in one’s life. The other day, I saw a small child learning to walk, holding her parents hand. I missed my mom. I wished she was there. I wondered if she would have done the same with me. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but never got the courage to. I regret that day, I regret every single thing I din’t do, even when the chance was given. Wanting to go back but willing to move on are two hard things. If you try to move on, the past won’t let you and if you keep living in the past, you will never move ahead.
Everywhere I see mothers with her little ones, some holding hands, some just walking besides each other, some laughing and some talking. At times, this question comes into my mind, no matter how much I try not to, If, if she was here today, what would my life be like? Would still there be so many complications? Would there be so many problems? Would there be so many feelings suppressed? Would there be anyone to discuss problems with? Would there be anyone to tell about my first crush? Would there be any one to comfort me the same way she did? Would life be better?
So many times, my friends speak about their mothers and fathers. At times, they do mention how much they wish they had a better life than they have; the life in which they have parents who love them, wish the best for them, give them whatever they want, and they still want a better life than they have. Why don’t they think that they should be thankful for what they have. For mothers and fathers who support them! For all the pain they take for them! From 5 in the morning to 12 at night they stay awake just to make sure their children are all right. For all the time they devote to them. For all the hard work they are doing just to make sure that their child receives the best education. For all those minutes and hours they have spent besides you to make sure you were alright. Why don’t they see that!? Why??! It hurts me that my friends do not realize what they have got and I haven’t. I would do anything to get her back, and on the other hand, my friends, they wish for the opposite. Why, don’t they understand that what parents, specially mothers, no one on this planet can! No one, besides her can.
I take this opportunity to tell all my readers, to thank your parents for whatever they do for you. Even if it means getting a book from the shelf or giving birth to you. Take the chance and say thank you. I did not get a chance, but you have. Don’t waste it. Take every moment of your time to thank them and tell them that you love them for whatever they do. Whether they be angry or sad.
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