I ain’t going to give up.. not this time.

I am not giving up just yet… I know I can’t. It’s would be just wrong to. I promise, I will move on someday. And I am trying. Though yet failing, the memories cloud my mind of the days when you were here, right here besides me, to hug me and listen to me. 

I never told you that I loved you, but today, I regret it. I just hope you know how much I miss you and loved you and still do. When after school I stand and watch mothers take their lot home, somewhere in my heart I cry for you to come to me and guide me home… even though I know I cannot have it that way. God won’t let me have it that way! 

I feel like running away to an awfully quiet place to cry. Just cry and cry until I feel good. There’s so much inside… so much untold, so many things that I needed you to know, so many things I still need you to know that I figure out the way to speak all of that. I need to hug you and tell you that I love you. Just so that I know that you know that I love you. 

I promised you to be taking care of everyone, but who is going to take care of me and for how long? Till when are those memories going to be suppressed inside? Will all those memories fade away? Is that pain ever going to fade away??! 

This is a piece of work that I have written for you to tell you that I am not going to give up… but am going to move on… 

Across a scarlet sunset I will be watching

Flowers turn in vain to face the falling sun

But drinking in the moonlight of defeat

In the darkness their failures will dawn

And the worst emerge from hiding

We have all become chasers

Of things we know must end

It never stops us

We can’t help but

Defy fate

 

On a lone old wooden bench I will be waiting

The last stronghold of nature in the city

Now towers grow like trees in the summer

Standing as shepherds of our downfall

The stars burn themselves out slower

When nothing can be salvaged

Hope is all we have left

It’s never enough

But we still try

Even now

 

Each tired Sunday morning I will be wasting

Some little amount of the time we have left

Praying to some god to make it all right

When church is as silent as mourning

We have been abandoned in turn

Lost as a chick returning

The nest isn’t empty

It was never there

We build alone

All the same

 

From the heart of disaster I will be wanting

For somehow everything to come to an end

And spare us the agony of waiting

The race itself is against madness

You don’t win prizes for trying

Only perception changes

The game’s rigged then it’s done

Even knowing this

Nothing differs

We still fight

 

In a place all to myself I will be wishing

That I saw the reason for futility

Others think to hold back death with laughter

If clowns were angels we would be saved

But I deny the sun it’s light

For what I see in the day

But who would dim the stars?

And even in this

Ironically

I too strive

 

On the curb outside your house I will be weeping

Through a broken heart all things seem a drama

And if the world won’t end it feels that way

Doomed from the start, but I still want you

Out of sight is not out of mind

For the night kisses the day

And still the faithful pray

They were all right, though

I won’t give up

Not this time..

 

 

On a lone old wooden bench I will be waiting

The last stronghold of nature in the city

Now towers grow like trees in the summer

Standing as shepherds of our downfall

The stars burn themselves out slower

When nothing can be salvaged

Hope is all we have left

It’s never enough

But we still try

Even now

 

Each tired Sunday morning I will be wasting

Some little amount of the time we have left

Praying to some god to make it all right

When church is as silent as mourning

We have been abandoned in turn

Lost as a chick returning

The nest isn’t empty

It was never there

We build alone

All the same

 

From the heart of disaster I will be wanting

For somehow everything to come to an end

And spare us the agony of waiting

The race itself is against madness

You don’t win prizes for trying

Only perception changes

The game’s rigged then it’s done

Even knowing this

Nothing differs

We still fight

 

In a place all to myself I will be wishing

That I saw the reason for futility

Others think to hold back death with laughter

If clowns were angels we would be saved

But I deny the sun it’s light

For what I see in the day

But who would dim the stars?

And even in this

Ironically

I too strive

 

On the curb outside your house I will be weeping

Through a broken heart all things seem a drama

And if the world won’t end it feels that way

Doomed from the start, but I still want you

Out of sight is not out of mind

For the night kisses the day

And still the faithful pray

They were all right, though

I won’t give up

Not this time..

 

 

 

 

I promise. 

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One response to “I ain’t going to give up.. not this time.

  1. Pingback: A Farewell Tribute to My Angel – Part 4 – Sharon Penner

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